Don’t let Christianity ruin your marriage

That is the (presumably) unintended message I get after reading reviews (here, and here) of Mark Driscoll’s new book “Real Marriage“.

Mark and his wife Grace had numerous problems during the first decade or so of their marriage, and it seems that most of them resulted from unrealistic expectations that Christianity placed on their marriage, and on the unequal roles that husband and wife were expected to play.

If you’re thinking about getting married, here’s my advice. (Like Mr. Driscoll, I’m a married man without any training as a marriage counselor.)

Throw the whole marry-a-virgin nonsense out the window. Someone with a little sexual experience is far more likely to approach sex in a mature, realistic fashion.

You and your partner are equals. Work your problems out together without either of you assuming a subservient role. If you don’t feel you’re on an equal footing with your partner, don’t get married. (This latter advice is the best I can offer – I believe it is the single most important foundation of my own marriage.)

If you encounter trouble in your marriage, and you need help, seek a professional therapist, not a pastor.

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